One year after the death of Kyle Whorrall at a suburban bus stop, Carole Whorrall has travelled from her home in California to Auckland – not to focus on the violence that took her son, but on the unique, infinitely lovable person she'd like remembered. Gill Higgins reports.
Her son was Kyle Whorrall. A 33-year-old American postgraduate student studying insects at the University of Auckland. He died after being attacked at a bus stop in the quiet eastern suburb of St Johns in April last year. His death shocked the country and prompted a major homicide investigation.
'I don't want him remembered by tragedy': Kyle Whorrall's mum visits NZ - watch on TVNZ+.
Five teenagers have been charged with his murder, and a woman in her 30s has been charged as an accessory. The six deny the charges and are due to go on trial in October.
But sitting quietly at the same bus stop, his devoted mum says she wants people to remember something else entirely. “I don’t want the focus to be on what tragically happened to him,” she says. “I want it to be about him.”
And so, one year on, she has spent her time revisiting the places and people that shaped Kyle’s life in New Zealand – friends, flatmates, university colleagues and members of the wider community who didn’t even know him, but who were moved to honour his life long after the headlines faded.
Gentle, kind, authentic, bug crazy
Kyle was known among friends as funny, deeply curious, incredibly intelligent and endlessly fascinated by the natural world, particularly insects and, specifically, beetles.
“He was gentle, he was kind, he just looked carefully at the world,” says University of Auckland associate professor Rich Leschen.
A close friend, Kim Skelton, says what she most loved about him was that “he was always authentically himself”. It was because of Whorrall that she rekindled her own interest in insects. “We were crazy bug friends”.
For his mum, insects played a huge part too. Some of her most treasured memories are the long trips she and Kyle took, searching for bugs together – adventures she admits seemed a chore at times.
“I’m so glad I didn’t turn him down,” she says. “I will cherish those days forever.”
No expiration date for grief
During her visit, Carole returned to the bus stop where Kyle was attacked and visited a memorial garden established in his honour. She also placed a painted stone at a pōhutukawa tree planted in his memory and met his flatmates at his favourite Auckland destination – the zoo.
It’s only now she feels able to do this. For many months, she didn’t even want to talk about her son. She even dreaded going to the hairdresser.
“I’m thinking, don't ask me if I have kids. Because it was so painful. And now it's completely the opposite. It's like, ask me about my kids. You know, ask me about Kyle.”
Carole quickly came to see grief not as an enemy, but a tool for survival. “It's a part of you from this point forward. It doesn't go away. There's no expiration date.”
She learned to channel her energy into keeping Kyle’s legacy alive. She’s written a children’s book encapsulating a young child’s love of insects, and she's worked with the University of Auckland to set up a yearly grant helping budding biology sciences students who need support.
The trip has been emotionally exhausting, but worthwhile. Carole is planning to return in October for the trial of those charged with murder. And she will continue to do all she can to keep her son’s memory alive.
“To me, he’s the greatest son anyone could have,” she says. “And he still is. He always will be.”
'I don't want him remembered by tragedy': Kyle Whorrall's mum visits NZ - watch on TVNZ+.
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